Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
