I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
