Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The Olympian is in my bed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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