thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
