she was so not down for the gang bang
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
