I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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