I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
