You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
