when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
two words: eviction party
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize