cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
