my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
3 2 1 whiskey
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
