I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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