There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
