kristin has been a bad kristin
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
