I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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