Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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