We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
