My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
