i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
