North Korea, Best Korea!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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