Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
