So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize