But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
