Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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