remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
