How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
