So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
