I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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