i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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