I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
