Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
