Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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