I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
