Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
