So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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