A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
