you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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