Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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