One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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