Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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