Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize