Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
