btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All the doctor said was why
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
