I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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