maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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