smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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