Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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