its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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