Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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