Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
