where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
