i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
