My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
