Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
