he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And then he peed in my hair
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