she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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