the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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