My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Enjoy the penises
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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