Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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