I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
