Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
