I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize