Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
