I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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