I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
