If i could tip my vagina, i would.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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