if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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