Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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