I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize