I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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