i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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