I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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