im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
