Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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