Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
