there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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