I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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