A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
