I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
