I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
