my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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