Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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