drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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