She is in my trunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
