2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
