Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
