Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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